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An unanticipated (at least by me) consequence of uprooting ourselves for the move to Amsterdam is that the question all too soon arose: Should we stay or should we go? It arose, this question, and then hung in the air, clouding things. Some people don't mind that--Gideon, for one, prefers to operate in an environment of ambiguity because Gideon is all about possibilities--but I do mind that (and so, very much unlike Gideon, does Felix). I prefer a clear line of sight into the future, and this question thwarts that.
No longer: we have answered the question and the answer is We should go. I can play Lincoln or Douglas, and like them, argue for hours to a no doubt rapt audience the advantages of either wonderful place, on who wants what and the things--and especially the friends--each of us will or do miss when here or there. The truth is we face an overabundance of opportunity, luxury, wonder, and love in both places, lucky people that we are. But the decision, for me at least, is the necessary response to this imperative: simplify, simplify.
As with you, my life has become more complex with the years. One has children and they and their needs grow. One has a career and it and its needs also grow. One has houses and things in those houses, and even they grow and, like children, they bring new problems as they age. Together, it adds up to a life that is fokking druk. Too fokking druk. And when things are too fokking druk they are experienced in a warped fashion, making them less enjoyable and more expensive. Fokking drukness consumes mental space inefficiently, creating an atmosphere of stress that prevents clear thinking, degrades the quality of relationships, and actually reduces lifespan: insult to injury, being too busy will kill you in the end.
What to do? The children, they are keepers. The career too, for I need it to accomplish certain goals, mostly related to saving the world. What I can do without is one of two houses and, oh, half or more of the things in them. And I can certainly do without the bureaucracy and spreadsheets and bits of paper and expensive decisions associated with those houses and those many things. Simplify, simplify.
So we are. The details lie before us but it's a safe bet that as of 1 August familie Shuldiner will be back in the Bay. It is also a safe bet that I and we will be back here in Amsterdam again thereafter, once we get the fokking drukness under control. Please dream accordingly.
