The scene: a table in a restaurant, it could be any restaurant at all, anywhere in the world (but as it happens it was a pub in Tahoe); dinnertime
The actors: wife, three-year-old, blessedly inert baby, and me; also a waitress
Act 1:
ME: Please don't take the ice out of your glass.
WIFE: Please don't play with your straw.
ME: Stop blowing bubbles in your water, you're going to spill it.
WIFE: Don't play with your straw.
ME: Will you stop messing with your glass?
THREE-YEAR-OLD spills entire glass of water all over table, himself, and ME
ME and THREE-YEAR-OLD exit rapidly, stage left
Act 2:
ME and tearful THREE-YEAR-OLD enter, stage left, sit down at table; table is now dry but our clothing is still wet
WAITRESS arrives with plates of hamburgers and fried things
WIFE starts to share out helpings for THREE-YEAR-OLD
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Can I have some ketchup?
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Can I have some ketchup?
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Can I have some ketchup?
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Can I have some ketchup?
WIFE: ALRIGHT ALREADY CALM DOWN!
THREE-YEAR-OLD: Why do I have to ask you five times?
ME strikes forehead with open palm, repeatedly
THREE-YEAR-OLD: You shouldn't hit your head.
ME and WIFE clench edge of table, laugh, cry
BABY sleeps on
Fin.
whose forehead is ME striking? I sure hope it's not his own...
ReplyDeleteFor sure it is! And I can't ever remember actually doing such a thing. It was truly involuntary, I couldn't help it, I had to hit myself in the head. The joke here is that Felix does this all the time, as a joke, and to irritate us, which it does.
ReplyDeleteClassic! Always good to hear how others fight same windmills.
ReplyDeletePS. Whats the ID project?
Love Nina
I have a million stories like this. Share one and I'll give another one back.
ReplyDeleteID PROJECT: http://brekkieusa.blogspot.com/2010/04/id-photo-project.html
YOUR CONTRIBUTION IS NEEDED!
Hahaha, great story!
ReplyDeleteMe...usualy overwhelmed by anger and total despair...wrong timing to memorise stories as you did.
ReplyDelete