The tag line, as the picture shows, is "Spicy Heat with a Kiss of Sweet." "Cloyingly sweet with an almost undetectable heat amid a confusion of other flavors hardly worth the tongue's search" would, I recognize, inspire fewer first time buyers but is an altogether more honest summary. Given there won't be any second time buyers, I suppose I really can't blame them for the line they chose.
I do blame them for everything else, though. The ingredient list reads like something from a particularly ill-conceived Roman orgy: two forms of sugar, both present in greater amounts than salt; two types of cheese--yes, that's right, cheese; paprika and paprika extract for just the right paprika balance; cream and nonfat milk, presumably because they started to have regrets toward the end.... Even the bag's graphics are terrible, with that formulaic pot of what appears to be unnaturally red ketchup and the tiny little whisk lying along side it, suggesting they not only "hand cook" but even hand paint each misbegotten chip.
Look, we both know what this is about. It's about regret and loss and a hope that just won't die. "Enough," I tell myself, "It's time to move on." But then the flailing marketeers at this rudderless company find a new combination of words to wrap around "BBQ" and the mad men in the kitchen throw in whatever's at hand, and me, fool that I am, me, I'm tempted, not by a new chip but by the old one, long since gone. You pity me, I know, but you humor me, and I appreciate that.
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