Parenting, a history

Let me tell you what I think of you

Felix's high school held its annual "Last Chapter" event the week before last, in which graduating seniors invite those who raised them to celebrate this milestone with a dinner and a bit of ceremony. Talia was in LA on her second AIDS Ride so I went with Felix. After dinner and a few speeches we were all invited to circle up with our Senior for their reading of an obligatory Thank You note, scribbled, in Felix's case, in the library some hours earlier. His note is reliably summarized, and not greatly shortened, by these bullet points:

• I think we can all agree that I mostly raised myself.
• You, my parents, are due some credit for having the wisdom not to interfere in that process too much.
• Peace out.

The note, being brief, left Felix and I time to walk about before the closing class slideshow. As we did, we passed other Seniors who, it seems, needed more time to read the notes they had prepared. Their bullet points, caught in passing, ran along these lines:

• I can't begin to tell you how much I love you
• I can't ever repay you for all you have done
• Everything I have I owe to you

And so forth.

I am not writing this as an offended parent who feels underserved by my child's plaudits. If, in fact, Felix is sui generis (look it up, Felix), then good for us for letting that unfold as it has: the results, as detailed elsewhere, are excellent. However, as a trained historian I cannot let this gross misreading of the historical record go unchallenged. The truth is we taught you a lot, Felix, and here's proof:

We taught you to eat

We taught you to walk

We taught you to read

We taught you to ride

We taught you to slide

We taught you to travel

 

We taught you to dress yourself 

We taught you to sing

We taught you to exercise, or tried to

We taught you to sleep, and believe you me, that took some doing

And on and on and on. The fact that you have elevated and built upon these and the many, many, many other skills we taught you should not lead to a misevaluation of the importance, and difficulty, of establishing a base for them in the first place.

In writing a history that is complete as well as accurate, I must record that Felix did offer additional public feedback on and to his parents during his high school graduation ceremonies the week after. There, with the eyes of the world upon him (photo above and 11m into this video), Felix declared that he loves his mother and father. OK, he said it in Dutch, but trust me, he said it. We houden ook van jou, Felix, maar dat weet je al.