Calling

Emerson writes, in his essay "Spiritual Laws":

The common experience is, that the man fits himself as well as he can to the customary details of that work or trade he falls into, and tends it as a dog turns a spit. Then is he a part of the machine he moves; the man is lost.  Until he can manage to communicate himself to others in his full stature and proportion, he does not yet find his vocation.

I read this piece most recently while eating lunch at the bank I was soon to leave, the bank in whose employ I was, in the Emersonian sense, lost.  It did not, as you might imagine, aid my digestion.  Bank work was not the first career into which I had fallen, but I do intend for it to be the last.  This time around I am intent on finding my vocation.

Except that's not the word I use.  I think of my current quest as the search for my calling.  I have settled on that description of what I am seeking because finding your calling surely means you must listen.  It is much harder for me to listen than it is for me to communicate.  Much harder.  And that's why I prefer to think of it this way:  if finding my calling was easy I would surely have done so by now.  So it has to be hard, and it is.

But then there's Emerson claiming that to find your vocation you need to vocalize.  So am I supposed to be listening or vocalizing?  I can't do both at once, can I?  Or is this one of those mildly irritating koans the point of which is that I should be listening to myself?

Even if the word has to come from my inner voice, I would appreciate hearing other voices while waiting.  Speak up, won't you?